Wow! Thank you for taking the time to detail your encounter on the sidewalk. Through your eyes, I could see the dynamics at work in a seemingly innocent walk down the street, were not innocent at all.
My children often call me the camel — for my oft repeated remark, “Its the straw that broke the camel’s back.” That old phrase “describes the seemingly minor or routine action that causes an unpredictably large and sudden reaction, because of the cumulative effect of small actions”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think my camel analogy is now called micro-aggression.
I’ve had my share of broken backs. The suddenness is disorienting. Someone, says or does something so small it is barely noticeable. The only reason I notice is because I am carrying hundreds, even thousands, of the same nasty insinuations, words or behaviour. One more, is one more too many — and my temper breaks. Out of my mouth fly the words “Back off, or do not ever say that to me again, or I’m sick of your lousy attitude.” The venom in my tone of voice comes from a concentration of all the times I left those words unspoken. For that reason, I’ve learned to confront people who place their straws on me before they break me.
However, we are talking about black women here, not me. If and when black women spout off, they risk far more than I do. While black women are often labeled “angry” the opposite is true. Anyone who can stay silent in the face of nastiness, threatening and demeaning words and behaviour is a remarkably self-disciplined human being. This level of self-discipline demands respect, not condemnation.
The dialog in the comment section between HajimeT and the author makes my case and I suggest you read it.
When the world exhausts me, when I am too tired to cope with nuance, pettiness, personalities and egos, I need to spend time with people just like me. I honestly believe it is a restorative need — the restoration of self. For just a little while, we all need to know we are not alone.
Someday, far, far in the future, skin colour will no longer keep us from filling this need for each other. Until then, it is merely a worthy dream.
