While reading this essay, it seemed that Benjamin Sludge’s idea of marriage emerged from marital traditions dating back a whopping 3400 years.
Inasmuch as Christianity is rooted in Judaism, and Judaism is rooted in the ancient Afro-Asiatic part of the world, I think the history of marriage in that part of the world merits some attention.
Around 3400 years ago, monotheism took root in the Afro-Asiatic part of the world (now known as the Middle East). As you might expect, marriage in Judaism was similar to marriage throughout the ancient semitic speaking world. By the time Jesus was born, Judaic teachings and customs regarding marriage, had endured 1400 years of time (today, they have endured 3400 years of time).
Without exception, the Talmud specifies that a woman can be acquired in marriage ONLY with her consent, and NOT without it. Women cannot be bought, sold, traded or given away by anyone, for any reason.
According to Genesis, G-d saw Adam withering from loneliness and said, “it is not good for man to be alone” and created a companion for Adam. In Judaism, companionship, love, and intimacy are the primary and highest purposes of marriage. A man and a woman do not need permission to marry from anyone – not even parents, or the state. When two adults love each other, want to be companions, and have sexual relations, they marry themselves (no Rabbi, state officials or witnesses are required).
Its no surprise, that refraining from marriage is considered as unnatural and unhealthy, as it is unholy. According to the Talmud, an unmarried man is constantly thinking of sex. Rabbis marry so they can teach and study (not think of sex all the time). Given rampant pedophilia and non-marital sex in Christian institutions, one has to question the wisdom of celibacy among the clergy.
As part of the Jewish wedding ceremony, the husband gives the wife a marriage contract that lays out, in detail, the husband’s obligations to his wife, the conditions of inheritance upon his death, the support of children, and the wife’s support in the event of divorce (and anything else they have agreed to). Very similar to a prenuptial agreement, these marital agreements, or contracts, were common throughout the ancient Semitic world.
G-d does not discriminate, any more than nature does. As with all living creatures, Adam and Eve possessed the natural ability to reproduce. While marriage is an agreement, or contract between the husband and the wife (not their families) they usually include obligations to children in their marriage contracts.
However, a married woman retains ownership of any property she brought to the marriage – including her own body. As a practical matter, women track their own menses and are rather good at identifying the time for sexual pleasure and the time for procreation. It follows, that according to Jewish law, sexual relations are the woman’s right – not the man’s. Jewish men are obligated to fulfill their wives’ sexual desires (not the other way around as it is in Christianity). According to Jewish law, a man cannot force his wife to engage in sexual relations with him, nor is he permitted to abuse his wife in any way (as permitted in Christian countries, including America).
According to Jewish law a fetus is regarded as a part of the mother's body and not as a separate being, until it leaves the womb and acquires a soul. Its no surprise, that in modern day Israel, abortions are covered by national health insurance. In June 2022, the Knesset approved new regulations to make it easier for women to get an abortion. One allows drug-induced early-term abortions at HMO clinics rather than only at hospitals. Also, women seeking an abortion will no longer have to meet with a social worker or appear in person before a review committee.
Conversely, in Christianity sexual relations are the right of men – not women (a most impractical and nonsensical arrangement if you ask me). My girlfriend’s mother was one of 19 children. As she told the story, every time her father got drunk, everybody knew another child was on the way.
In Judaism polygyny is permitted, but polygamy is prohibited, (a man can marry more than one wife, but women could not marry more than one man). In Islamic countries, Jews are permitted to practice polygyny. In the modern state of Israel, Jewish immigrants with more than one wife are allowed to keep all their wives (but cannot marry new ones). However, Christian Europeans forbid both polygyny and polygamy. Even in America, the land of “religious freedom” polygyny and polygamy were outlawed.
Sorry, this got so long. I thought this slice of histoy might help make more sense of marriage in western culture.
Now, I'm going to go see what Penguin had to say.
PS. I am really glad for your new partnership and Publication "Panopticon". I know that takes work, and I thank you.
