Unless your mother legally designates a representative/conservator, who can be physically present to enforce her decisions, Do Not Resuscitate and Advanced Healthcare Directives will be ignored.

Hospitals have two reasons for ignoring patient wishes. One, they are financially supported by pro-life, religious based board of directors , or are afraid of their organizations (especially common in rural communities).

Two, patients do not bring their paperwork with them in the ambulance, and no one in the family knows where those papers are. As a result, avoiding a lawsuit compels hospitals to do anything possible to extend their lives.

The right-to-life, religious hospitals spend a fortune on lawyers who provide cover for non-consenting, expressly forbidden, life-extending procedures that keep bodies alive.

My Mother was in a rehab facility when her bowel burst and she was transported to a religious hospital that hooked her up to life-support. The rehab facility faxed her Advanced Healthcare Directives to the hospital, who claimed they never received them. When the judge saw the fax transmission record he ordered my mother released to her family — immediately. After three weeks, it was too late. Mama had already come off the ventilator with severe nerve damage. Just putting a sheet over her, made her scream in pain. To our horror, hospitals do not provide comfort care.

Only hospice can provide the mix of medications necessary to keep dying people comfortable — lucid, but not in pain. That’s why its called “comfort-care” (instead of healthcare). That’s why we went to court.

Every state has different laws, so check it out. Where I live now, EMTs and ambulances are required to abide by the notice posted on my front and back doors. In my freezer in my kitchen are my AHD, DNR and POST papers. They cannot transport me without those papers. Same notices in my car and my wallet. Each of my children are designated conservators, and have those papers too.

This is so serious and common, I know two older men with bad hearts, who had “DNR” tattooed on their chests — literally!

You say your mother has money, and you are right; that is an incentive for life-support. First the hospital puts her on life-support, then transfers her to a facility (they usually own) for long-term care and attach her home, bank accounts and holdings to pay the bill.

On average, they make $2,000.00 a day off her lifeless body. Just about $250,000. a month for every two bed patient room. That is the reason, Medicare pays for hospice care. Unless your mother has an estate plan, Medicare can, and often does, take her assets to cover long-term care.

Getting families to confront these realities is like pulling teeth. Countless people count on inheriting their parent’s homes, only to discover their parents had reverse mortgages and died broke.

People would be surprised how valuable these conversations are to their families. My kids went from shock to humor. Its as easy to talk about now, as what we are putting in the garden come spring (which is where my ashes will be planted). I figure I have 20 years or more before me, but you never know.

Go see your mother, spend a few days and talk it through.