Talk about the creative process, that short exchange of ideas is how it begins. You explained the reasons you were looking for solutions and asked for ideas. In return, I offered the first idea that came to mind. You thought about the idea, rejected it and explained your reasons.

So far, so good. Our minds are open. We are exchanging ideas. We are not competing. We are not judging. You did not condemn me for having such an awful idea and I am not condemning you for rejecting my awful idea. We are on the same page. We are searching for solutions. And solutions begin with ideas.

Okay, we’ve examined and rejected one really bad idea. But where did that idea come from? And why did you reject it so quickly? The first question is the only one that I can answer.

That idea came from a child, with a child’s understanding of the world. That is what I remember thinking the first time that I saw a dead body lying on the street in front of me. In my child’s mind, The Golden Rule made sense (do until others, what you would have them do unto you).

Seeing John lying dead on the street made me think differently. Did the Golden Rule mean bad things too? Was John dead because it made someone feel good? Did someone want the same thing done to them? What an awful thing for a child to try and understand. My conclusion? Killing people made some people feel good. Whoever shot John, wanted someone to shoot them. After that, I tried to stay from those kinds of people. Such is a child’s mind.

Children are selfish little people and their thinking is selfish too (we call it childish). However, child-like thinking is the capacity for awe and wonder, that we call innocence, which is rooted in a powerful desire to explore the world, to know and understand it. To have our innocence stolen from us, is to lose our G-d given, natural, innate capacity for awe and wonder.

My awful idea was a childish one. The sight of John’s dead body had shrunk my world. Confined to our tiny, one bedroom apartment, I was angry, resentful and certain; if other people had seen what I saw, they would not kill people anymore. Again, such is the mind of a child.

Grief for my loss of innocence never ended, for the innocence stolen from other children in this country never ended. When it comes to children, I am still a child. Before I can put on my adult lenses, I’ve already seen through my childish and childlike eyes.

Clearly, my awful idea needed an adult and I am glad, you filled that role.