Savannah, I read your story and found myself at a loss for words. To say I am sorry this happened to you is true, but it feels empty.

Just two days ago, I engaged in a conversation with a Medium writer who had posted a story about his efforts to track down another Medium writer in real life. I thought it a very bad idea and attempted to steer him off that course (link below). This morning I posted a comment pointing Holston towards your story.

Silvercloud says, “I think it's important to know who this person is” and I think he is right (100% right). While Silvercloud is equipped to cope with that information, I am not. Fifteen years after I was the target of violence, the voice in my head is still warning me about the crazies. I cannot deny it, that experience handicapped me.

For years, people in my activist network relied on my ability to think while speaking in public. I can’t do that anymore. Instead of focusing on the issue, my brain is busy hunting for danger in the audience. Just the idea of sitting on a panel answering questions from politicians terrifies me, because in those situations, the audience is always behind the panelist. While the audience is watching the politicians, who is watching my back? Given the subjects I address, I promise you, the cops are not watching my back.

Three years ago, I tangled with a nasty woman at Home Depot. My daughter got this huge grin on her face and just stood there watching the scene unfold. The scene ended when the nasty woman started crying and ran out of the store (we still refer to her as the boo hoo bitch). In the car, I asked my daughter what was so funny. It wasn’t funny mom. I was just happy to see that part of you again. You mean you wanted me to do that, I asked? Yup, as a kid she said she could always count on me to stand up to people when they were wrong. Well, honey I don’t think you can count on me to do that anymore. I know Mom, but it felt good while it lasted.

Savannah, thank you for telling us your story. If more people realized how much their physical presence matters at school board, city council, and county supervisor meetings, protests and other civic arenas, they would show up more often.

https://meraffey.medium.com/mr-holston-i-see-this-from-a-different-point-of-view-b26d713e1a2b