Ruby, in one of your replies, you say

"We've just discovered some things via FB that are disturbing but once again... we have to tread carefully."

That you feel the need to "tread carefully" suggests something serious is going on with your kids. Are they in danger or in trouble? Are they causing trouble, or endangering themselves, or someone else? Either way, if they need adult direction, and maybe intervention, don't wait too long to give it.

Perhaps, you mean you have to tread carefully, because you are afraid of losing their company, help, support, or affection. If so, your fears will probably come true. Your children may simply need to make a clean break with you now, in order to establish an adult relationship with you later on. You might even need to push them out of the nest, and your wallet, in order to help them reach for that adult relationship with you.

As parents, we often forget that just like we need to know our children are okay without us, they need to know that we are okay without them.

I was always grateful that my mother's life did not revolve around me. I was always welcome, but her interests and social life did not require me. When she retired, she moved 150 miles to live two blocks away from me. We still talked by phone, everyday, and my kids went to visit her all the time, but she rarely came to visit us. Every few months, I would spent the weekend at my mother's house (the very best times ever).

It sounds like you really like your sons and are having a hard time letting go. Today, my kids are my favorite people in the world. But that did not happen until after they left home.

Believe it or not, the relationships with our children is a lot like wine - it grows deeper, richer and sweeter with the passing of the years.