Passing along some advice once given me. Growing up, we can’t help ourselves, we compare our parents to Disney movies, TV shows, storybooks, a popular mother in the neighborhood, a friend’s mother, extended family and so on. Our comparing inadvertently forms our own unique idea of what a good mother is – and isn’t. This idea forms a fantasy mother. Without realizing it, we compare our real mothers to our fantasy mother.

While I was very close to my mother, I went through a phase of disliking her intensely. One day a friend suggested, I get rid of my fantasy mother - she’s just a fantasy, just kill her, bury her and grieve for her she said, so flippantly it stunned me. Ouch. But she was right: I had been comparing my mother to a complete fantasy.

My fantasy mother was frigging June Cleaver and burying her was one of the best thing I ever did for myself. Truth be told, burying June Cleaver wasn’t easy. I felt real grief. However, once she was gone, I discovered my fantasy mother had functioned like a pair of sunglasses that had kept me from seeing my mother in her true light. Once those sunglasses came off, I could see my mother clearly.

As things turned out, my mother was an amazing woman – a hero, a trailblazer, a kind and gentle soul, a fierce champion of right and good, and the creator of beauty.

I tell you this story, by way of saying your mother cannot meet your expectations – anymore than mine could. If you relieve your mother of your expectations, you too might discover an amazing woman. In turn, you might find your mother wants to know you.