Our family rule for raising children is "catch them being good." In addition to children, it works with dogs and horses too. But most of all, it works on you.
Once you apply yourself, - I mean really apply yourself - you spend your energy differently. You stop spending your energy on unpleasantness and coping with your bad feelings that always seem to follow.
Kids (dogs and horses) want your attention. If they have to be bad to get your attention, they will be bad. But when you give them your attention for doing good, they will be as good as they can be.
When you have to deal with bad behaviour, make it short and simple. Go to your room, is enough to crush a kid who only wanted your attention. Better yet, simply say, that is bad behaviour, or clean up your mess, then walk into another room and close the door behind you (OUCH). Please, give the kid time to get through the surprise and anger, even a tantrum. If you give them enough time, they will come to their senses and clean up their mess. And then, lucky you, you get to come back in a smother them with all kinds of good attention. Oh my gosh, you did a great job in here. Thank you so, so much. Lets have some ice cream.
Don't let dogs fool you. They know the rules. I have a dog that has some limits. If I'm late getting home, she pulls the trashcan over and makes a big mess. She usually greets me enthusiastically, but I know when she's been bad, because she looks all sheepish. She'll pretend all is well, but the minute I head towards the kitchen, she runs to the doggy door. Bad dog is all I have to say and poof she is out that doggy door and pouting in the yard. Yes, dogs pout. I don't care what anybody says, they do that to make you feel as bad as they do.
Apparently, it is contagious. When my kids were little and not nice to our dog, the dog would walk away and refuse to come back and play with them. They started being super nice to our dog. I was glad for that, because we lived in a remote, rural area where cougars and bears were common. When my kids were hiking around, keeping that dog with them, was a necessity. That dog was their freedom.
