Oh, this thing called knowledge seeps into you so slowly you hardly notice. And then, one day you are driving through Tennessee and signs say something different to you now. Another tourist sign for a plantation tour, but instead of Gone With the Wind, you remember The Lost Cause (and feel angry and betrayed). Another statue of a confederate on a horse, but instead of war, you remember slavery (and feel grief and shame). Another grand old opulent horse farm and you wonder, what happened to the people who built that farm? (and feel the heavy weight of a yet, unburied past). More civil war battlefields and grave yards up ahead, and you wonder where the men who built them are buried (and feel drawn into the earth itself).

Knowledge breaks you until at last, you grieve. You grieve the harm your ignorance has caused. You grieve the loss of innocence that let you believe the myths. You grieve the wasted years spent fighting for denial, instead of justice. Slowly, in a terrible but beautiful pain, you begin to see your place in the world anew. All these years and you never realized, the way they treated black people was a warning to you that read, “Do not step out of line”.

Knowledge washed the filth from my mind and I felt clean, ready to begin anew. Somewhere just south of Nashville I crossed the line. I’m on the other side now and heading home.