Near as I can tell, within white culture, women establish and maintain what I call the "acceptance" zone. The ticket to entry is your appearance - too beautiful or too homely need not apply.

Once inside the inner-circle, the same standard applies to all other characteristics - too smart, too funny, too loud, too accomplished, etcetera are grounds for rejection. As a result, women inside the innner-circle, take care not to outshine their group.

Thanks to the number of insiders willing to demonstrate their collective power, these insider-clubs dominate their communities. They establish the "norms" and hold the line in schools, business and civic life. If you have a beautiful or homely daughter, you can be sure your child will experience pressure from the insiders. Suffice to say, that pressure can get "pretty" ugly.

I am the other side of the beauty coin, meaning I am homely. Beautiful and homely women have the opposite experience of men. Some men, for unique reasons of their own, have no interest in the "norm" - some want a beautiful woman, while others want a homely woman.

The homely wife of a handsome, successful man is constantly dissected by the insider-club - how did she get him? I've had the impression, the insider club sees hope. The average looking woman can't be beautiful, but if they can figure out what the homely woman did to get that handsome, successful man, they could get one too.

The good news is that both, beautiful and homely women are outsiders and tend to form fast friendships with each other. While the insiders are holding the line, the outsiders are free to drive and influence change.