May I suggest you remove the word “real” from this sentence and read it again? Without the word “real” the sentence makes no sense.

“Real” suggests you are comparing your relationship with your mother to an ideal (a fantasy, a wish or other people). In your mother’s mind, your relationship was real. But in your mind, it was not “real” because it never matched the imaginary one you needed and you wanted.

She always fell so far short of your fantasy you could not see her. You ran from her chaos and rightly so. But she was far more than chaos. See her now. If you let go of your fantasy mother-daughter relationship, you will make room for your mother’s love to remain a part of your life.

“Honey,” my mother said,…“ Please, read those words again. Those are a mother’s words. Only a mother can say those words to her child and be believed. Your mother saw you; she knew who you were. I’m a stranger, and yet even I can see you in her words.

Your mother and all the women like her, including mine, are the reason that our lives are a bit easier than theirs. In turn, you are the reason that your children’s lives will be a bit easier than yours.

If and when you stop comparing your mother to a fantasy, you will see your mother clearly. And when that happens, you will look in the mirror and see the bold, loving and beautiful daughter that she saw.

See yourself through your mother’s eyes (that is my wish for you).