It takes me time to get to know someone. To know and be known, I need one on one time — time spent together, face to face (not a screen). Once I know someone, I’m pretty good at handling situations like the one described here. In return, my friends handle them equally well — often better.

However, when I do not know the person/people I am with, social situations feel like mine fields. The chances of hurting, offending, putting someone on the spot, etc. are countless. For example, I tried to include a co-worker I did not know personally, in a conversation at an office party. Later, in the bathroom, she ripped my head off. She told me she’d wanted to listen to the conversation, not join it. Turns out, this brilliant woman at work, was painfully shy in social settings . Because I did not know her, my effort to include her had hurt her. My mistake was assuming she wanted to be included. I was wrong. It was a good lesson. Instead of assuming on someone, I ask — and accept the answer. We’ve been friends now, for 23 years.

If you don’t have time, you won’t have friends. It really is that simple. Unfortunately, everyone is kept so busy trying to earn a living now, no one has time to make friends anymore.

One day at work, I listened to two old women talking in the lobby. When I admitted I’d been eavesdropping, they laughed. Obviously, they’d known each other a long time, but I was wondering if they had anything in common (you know, that thing that keeps friends together). They said no. They did not agree on anything. The only thing they had in common, was each other. No one — not even their husbands and children — knew them better than their friend. Turns out, they’d met in third grade. They’d been friends for 67 years.

There is a pattern in my friendships. It goes like this. Hey, can you talk? Translation: are you alone? Hi, John’s going on a business trip, do you want to come over? Translation: we can be alone. Hi, I’m going to be downtown today. Translation: do you want to meet somewhere. Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Its not. Privacy is the safe and simple place where people feel free to be themselves. Without a friend, privacy is the loneliest place on earth.

Without a friend, every crowd is lonely.