In my family, I am the fourth generation to move in with one of my children after retirement. Who gets the old one is based on which child needs the old one most.
With a grandparent in the home, grandchildren have constant supervision and guidance and someone to play with and confide in. Grandparents are skilled at finding teachable moments and mediating conflict. Grandparents have time for long conversations. Grandparents read to grandchildren. Grandchilren read to grandparents. The bond between grandparents and grandchildren is irreplaceable.
There is always a chore or errand to be run, a load of laundry to be folded, a meal to cook, mending, and home repairs. As we age, grandchildren learn to be caregivers, consider others and test their own values and morals by establishing their own priorities. Sorry, I can't party tonight, I promised Grandma I'd take her to her bingo game.
These days, grandparents often serve as confidantes for their grandchildren's friends.
The transition is easy. Instead of your kids moving back home to live with you, you move in with one of your children. By abdicating the head of household status, your child naturally steps into that role and you naturally accept it.
Once the burdensome decisions and responsibilities are lifted off granny/grampy's shoulders, they are free to pour their time, energy and experience into the family, their kid's home - and their community.
Not to be forgotten, granny/grampy work for free. In fact, granny/grampy increase the family income. Even the poorest granny/grampy has a tiny bit of social security or pension income.
Given the objections to welfare in America, the hypocrisy astounds me. Why should you pay for me to live in a retirement home - instead of my own family? Why should my children pay for you to live in a retirement home - instead of your children? Why are you importing a nanny from another country, when your parents could do the job for free? Why are you paying a tutor, when your parents could do the job for free?
In multi-generation households, the grandchildren take care of grandparents - not their parents. If you ever wonder why empathy died in America, or why Americans are so selfish and self-centered, look at your family. Granny/grampy is living all alone and lonely, your kids are being raised by strangers (or no one) your home sits empty all day long and you are so exhausted, you can hardly find a kind word to say to anyone.
Wouldn't it be nice to come home and find dinner waiting for you, sit down at the table and talk to your family?
