David, I tried to resist, but you’re so much better with words than I am, I have to show you what you painted in my mind.

If you have 3 minutes… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVBqSJmHajg

PS. There were several ostrich farms where I lived in California. The video did not show it, but there is a violent mating ritual between males, before they start romancing the girls. Watch for their thighs, one kick from those birds can kill you.