“All those times I felt gaslit were real. Tears still well up and stream down my cheeks but this time, they are tears of healing.”

Kym Motley

I read Ms. Motley’s words and started crying (the blubbering, blow the drooling nose, tears dripping off my chin kind of crying). Crying never washed anything away before and yet, this time I feel better. The dictionary has often been the one place where I could find agreed upon definitions for the words we use to understand our own minds, and each other’s.

The time has come to confront three words that have refused me peace. If the Black Lives Movement is the watershed moment that I believe it is, I think these three words explain the emotions inspiring it. These words speak for themselves. I will let them speak for me as well

Insidious

1a: having a gradual and cumulative effect: SUBTLE

b. of a disease: developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming apparent

2a: awaiting a chance to entrap: TREACHEROUS

b: harmful but enticing: SEDUCTIVE

Insidious comes from a Latin word for “ambush” (insidiae), which is fitting, as this word often carries the meanings “deceitful,” “stealthy,” or “harmful in an imperceptible fashion.” The first two meanings may be applied to people or things (“an insidious enemy,” “an insidious plot”), while the last is usually applied to things (“insidious problems,” “insidious sexism”), in particular to the gradual progress of a disease (“an insidious malignancy”).

Gaslighting

Definition: to attempt to make (someone) believe that he or she is going insane (as by subjecting that person to a series of experiences that have no rational explanation).

I searched the internet, and think this page explains gaslighting well enough to recommend it.

https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.

Signs of gaslighting: According to Robin Stern, PhD, author of the book “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life,” signs that you are a victim of gaslighting include:

• no longer feeling like the person you used to be

• being more anxious and less confident than you used to be

• often wondering if you’re being too sensitive

• feeling like everything you do is wrong

• always thinking it’s your fault when things go wrong

• apologizing often

• having a sense that something’s wrong, but being unable to identify what it is

• often questioning whether your response to your partner is appropriate (e.g., wondering if you were too unreasonable or not loving enough)

• making excuses for your partner’s behavior

• avoiding giving information to friends or family members to avoid confrontation

• feeling isolated from friends and family

• finding it increasingly hard to make decisions

• feeling hopeless and taking little or no pleasure in activities you used to enjoy

Catharsis

the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

Catharsis (from Greek meaning "purification" or "cleansing" or "clarification") is the purification and purgation of emotions —any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration.